It is finally spring and high time you all heard from me. Last week was my birthday and it was a grand affair. I felt so lucky to have such a full life. I have the most incredible family; blood and beyond. It came at just the right time when I felt like I needed a little pick me up. I think I may have hit that moment with this project where I went, oh my god is this ever going to be done! So I decided the best thing to do would be to tell you all where I am with the music and within myself. I believe my battery was recharged with all that love I received! So here is what’s going on… Thanks for stickin’ with me guys!
When I started recording music, I had no idea what all went in to making an album. This process has been so much more than I could have anticipated. The reality is, this is the biggest thing I have ever taken on. It has forced me to examine myself in a way I have never done. It has not all been a walk in the park. I have had to accept certain disappointments along the way. Some relationships have been tested and many have deepened along the path. These growing pains are all a part of the process, I hear, so to help get through them, I would like to share with you guys some of my challenges and realizations.
The expression ‘fake it till you make it’ has been my mantra for years now. People would ask if I could do something, and although I had never done it before I would say, “Yes, of course!” For the most part this has worked out great for me. I have gotten to take advantage of opportunities that I would have never thought possible. One of the things about the ‘fake it till you make it’ policy is that you never want to ask too many questions because you don’t want it to seem like you don’t know what your doing. I am letting go of that mentality and learning to ask all of the questions. I have had to learn to do things totally outside my skillset in order to bring this to life. I am breaking old habits and having to relearn many ways of doing things. For a while I employed a very inspirational and organized friend of mine to help me map out this project, set deadlines and keep up with me meeting those goals. This has been a tremendous help. The time has come to stop faking it and start making it happen.
Over the last few years I have been a part of probably a thousand projects/shows/idea’s. I have worked with some incredibly fascinating and talented people. I have gained so much experience and I am so thankful for each and every one. But what I have realized is that none of these projects were THE project. They were not solely mine. The thing about my collaborations was that I was just a piece of the puzzle. I had less to worry about and stress over because I was not in charge of every little detail. My investment has been a bit more minimal. I was usually hired to do what I was good at and give insight along the way. I have helped see other peoples dreams into fruition, watched them go through this grueling process. If their vision fell apart, I could help figure out ways to make it better, if it succeeded then we all benefited and celebrated together. But it has yet to be me putting myself out there and taking those risks.
I know I am writing this to many people who have already learned these life lessons. This is new to me. For a while now, I have felt depressed and hindered by it all. I was freaked out that so much time had gone by and I still didn’t have an album. If you had asked me when I was younger where I would be at this age, I would have said – on my third album, traveling the world, touring and making art. I see now that subconsciously I always thought that someone would help make my career happen. What I thought was anger and regret over this, was actually the most important and humbling life lesson. I had to let my ego go and get to work.
The other funny thing I forgot about is how hard it can be to be a self employed artist. I have made it work for a long time now and it’s been the right choice for me. But now that much of my time is being spent on things that cost money rather than make money, it’s a little harder. We are working on this album all of the time. That means that a lot of time that I used to spend taking jobs is spent in the studio. A wise fortune cookie once told me “If you always have a backup option, you will always fall back”. At this point there is no backup system in place. We are putting our all into this.
With all of that being said, this is going to take longer than we anticipated. We are aiming to release this upcoming fall. We have allotted wiggle room, as many of the things we set out to do did not happen within their deadlines. We never wanted to feel rushed in the creative process. We were also advised from a few trusted sources that the fall would be the best time for the most effective and powerful release. I apologize that this is not happening when we said it would. We are truly building this from the ground up.
Thank you guys for your patience, support and understanding. Whenever I start to let doubt and fear take over, one of you always comes and saves me in some way. I am feeling overwhelmed with gratitude and love. I am feeling the push I needed to see this thing through to the bitter end and I understand that that end is only the beginning. Here goes nothing. Thank you guys for helping me realize my dreams. I know that when I am finally holding that cd in my hands, it will all be worth it. I will know that we worked our asses off for every second of music. That also means I will push it and own it like I have never done with anything before.